The Dark Lord's Lair

Because volcano bunkers are so last century

Ongoing project - The Dark Lord's Laws of Politics

The Dark Lord's First Law:

Every problem for which a government solution is proposed can, upon full and proper evaluation, be traced back to previous government action.


The Dark Lord’s Second Law:

 95% of all politicians are motivated by self-interests. 


The Dark Lord’s Third Law:

 The 5% of politicians not motivated by self-interest are the dangerous ones.


The Dark Lord’s Fourth Law:

 The media is not a neutral observer.  It is frequently a forward observer.

(no subject)
In the interests of retaining my sanity in the face of the Age of Punks, it's time to start posting again. (I figure seven years is enough for any fatwas to die down.)

First, a revised classic:

Libertarians, General asshats
Circle I Limbo

George Bush, Creationists, Jerry Falwell, Steve Jobs, DMV Employees
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

PETA Members, The New York Yankees, Militant Vegans
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

Parents who bring squalling brats to R-rated movies, Oakland Raider Fans
Circle IV Rolling Weights

Charter Communications
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

Hipsters, Scientologists, Ben Bernanke, NAMBLA Members, Greens
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

Democrats, Bernie Madoff
Circle VII Burning Sands

Barack Obama, Nancy Pelosi
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

Osama bin Laden
Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell

I make no apologies for swinging further to the right over the past seven years. I calls 'em as I sees 'em, folks.

I'll probably annoy the Internet with something else later.

Don't /drink the Potion of Water
I know there's a few of us i this web-o-frendz who've had our brains sucked out by MMOs, or at least been near enough by to hear the tales.  Apparently, now we can add Aeire (creator of the defunct Queen of Wands and the current Punch an' Pie) to the list of the EverAfflicted:

...and I think she's got the idea already.  Poor dear...

Mother Earth's Wardrobe Malfunction?
Losing your keys...yeah, I get that.

Losing important paperwork?  That happens.

Hell, I've heard of people losing tanks and aircraft carriers.  (Do the search. Wasn't us either time.)

But...part of the Earth's frackin' crust?!?

And we worry about holes in the ozone layer...sheesh...

In Plain Sight...?

I was reading through the few posts I've made over the last...what, two and a half?  Three years?  And find the rant I posted about Priorities.

Nothing's changed for the better.

Can I trade this clunker of a planet in?  Please?

You all suck.

...And The Beat Goes On

That seems to be a lost concept these days. We seem to be racing head-on toward an inter-civilizational steel cage death match; we're sitting on a vulnerable mudball with finite resources; we have a thousand genuine, critical concerns, any one of which could make our considered existence questionable. And what, boys and girls, do people think about?

Janet Jackson at the Superbowl halftime.
Michael Jackson and his judicial circus.
Britney Spears and her amazing dancing libido.
Jen and Ben.


We have ACTUAL PROBLEMS, for the love of god! Hunger! Terrorism! Disease! Technology gone berserk! And you idiots are fixated on these publicity addicted half-wits who wouldn't last five minutes on the real world! For the love of God, WHY? Is it that hard to face the actual problems we have to confront? Is this where we've arrived after all this time--mass voyeurism? Would we really rather watch the pointless foibles of the famous and f***ed up than actually start talking to each other and coming up with sane and useful solutions to our actual problems?

Tell you what: When you learn how to set your priorities, feel free to talk about the important things then. Until then, please go jump in a very deep hole and stay there.

I've got better things to worry about.

Entering the Wonderful World of Broadband
"...this time, for sure!"

I signed up for this thing on Dec. 27. A week and a half later, I called to get them off their friggin' butts and actually get the cable modem service they were undoubtedly already charging for to actually WORK. A week and a half later, service techs did so, and all was cool.

For two days.

After which I call again. And now it's fixed again, probably permanently. (And a nasty reception problem with certain cable channels got cleared up, too.) So now I can haul virtual ass on the Internet. (Hey, it's better than the real ass--I'd need that special thing they use to get the space shuttle to the launch pad to haul THAT one.)

And once again, all is cool.

All this, and I got the week after my birthday off. Which is great, when you consider said birthday is on a Friday this year. (Now, if only it wasn't Friday the 13th...oh well.) Of course, with what we euphemistically called the "Prattville Ballet" shut down as of last spring, now I have to figure out what to actually DO with that week...

Meanwhile, back in Tim's head...
I love Christmas. I wish anyone actually observed it anymore.

I have no clue what the hell gets into people this time of year anymore. Annoying songs, manic crowds at all shopping areas, traffic that's even more FUBAR than usual, stressing about this, stressing about that...

I have no idea what any of it has to do with Christmas.

When did we get so blasted materialistic as a culture that we're willing to shave a year off our lives every December in an orgy of mass consumption, all the while making such a conspicuous show of ourselves that we depress the hell out of those less fortunate than us? "It's about family"--yeah, sending the families of corporate CEOs to college, or some chateau in the alps, while we scuffle over some toy and put ourselves further and further into unsustainable debt. "Peace on Earth"? Have you been to a shopping mall lately? Never mind any place we have troops deployed, regardless of what you may think of why they're there? Bah.

Once upon a time there was a religious holiday celebrated about this time. (Well, two in short succession by two related religions, but you get the point.) It was a simple reflection, a giving of thanks, some symbolic gift-giving and a gathering of family and loved ones. We need to go back to that; we need to ditch this frenzy of ostentation and consumption and go to a nice, simple celebration, for those who wish to participate and no ill will for those who opt out.

I look forward to seeing the parts of my family I don't get to see very often. I'd like a nice, peaceful gathering, low stress, enjoyed by all. Instead I have to put up with running around like a rat in a maze, so stressed I can barely enjoy a thing.

Bah. Humbug.

Nothing Personal, I Just Don't Like You
I don't really like anyone.

Hmm, that didn't come out right. Let me clarify.

Individual humans, as we all know, can be bright, kind, wise, helpful, honorable, diligent, and generally decent people. But, as we also have all too much experience with, people as a whole are mean, selfish, useless morons with a mind-boggling herd mentality that causes them to follow any halfway decently presented idea that comes along, from the most banal to the pinnacle of evil.

As such, I have--for quite some time--been of the opinion that, for the purposes of dealing with People I Don't Know Personally, "Innocent until proven Guilty" is, for the most part, not a very realistic policy. This has come through painful experience. I don't make friends easily as a result; the few I have can attest to that. While I can--and do--deal quite civilly with people I don't know well (faking friendliness is a VERY useful skill), as a general rule I don't really trust them until I know them. And sometimes not even them.

Essentially, _they_ have to prove themselves to _me_.

There are some who say that I have to take the first step. Bollocks, say I. You can see what sort of person I am when you interact with me. There's no reason for me to make a special effort to reach out to someone I don't know. That doesn't mean I won't, neccesarily, or that when it happens it will be for selfish reasons. It simply means that, as a matter of course, the onus is on others to show that they are someone I'll want to be dealing with.

I used to try to reach out to everyone I knew, at least to some extent. I got burned. After I got burned enough, I re-evaluated the strategy. A cautious approach is, I think, better, though it should always be tempered by the idea that the person you're dealing with MIGHT be a decent person. It's like the old Russian proverb--"Hope for the best; prepare for the worst."

I think there's a lesson here. "If you want a friend, be a friend" is nice, but it's also naive in some very basic ways; it ignores the fact that there are users and predators, and assumes that good people are more common. Especially in this day and age, that isn't an assumption supported by the evidence. It's much better to see what you're dealing with first before opening the door.

I'm rambling, but there's a point here. You might have Hell has both liberals and conservatives, home and abroad. I'm an equal-opportunity crank with more tolerance for some standpoints than others. I'm open about that. It's better you know what you're dealing with. It's only fair.'s not like it's personal.

Like I said, I don't know you.

Further Musing--Read Before Bitching
My friends know it. My family knows it. Strangers who wander withing earshot find out all too soon. I'm a cranky SOB. I admit it. I make no apologies for it. (Given the f___ed up state of what passes for Our World, I don't really think any are due, so bite me.)

I know...just know that someone out there will take offense to their being in (or relative placement) in my Hell. And they'll bitch, whine, and scream about it. They'll call me names. They'll make snide comments. They'll insult my intelligence. They'll make my ice cream melty...oh, wait, that's the waste heat from my PC, nevermind.

I won't give a rat's ass. (Mostly because if I cared much about the opionions of that sort of person, odds are they wouldn't be complaining anyway...)

I'm not saying "don't comment". By all means, knock yourself out. Get carpal tunnel. Invest in voice recognition software so you can dictate after both hands are no longer functional. Hey, it's still a free country, the First Amendment is still there, despite the combined efforts of reckless, irresponsible yahoos who (a) abuse the right (b) want to whittle it down (c) commit terrorist acts (d) all of the preceeding.

Just keep in mind...whiners don't matter.

Hmm. Maybe I DO need a new layer, after all...


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